Alternative Lives: No. 4 Will Surprise You
My good friend K is doing the work. In The Artist’s Way: journaling each morning and spitting out your subconscious overload. Blitzkrieg style.
I would do it as well, but I’m afraid that what’s supposed to be just a morning attack would turn into a full blown Hiroshima nuke lasting till dusk and dawn.
Because I can’t stop.
But also: I can’t start.
So… no worries.
You know how they say: the truth is in the middle. Well, good luck finding that in my case 🙂
Anyway – back to K. She told me the author of this book (The Artist’s Way) had some extra weapons of artistic activation in their arsenal. One of them: asking questions.
Here’s the one she lobbed at me like a casual grenade:
“If you could have an alternative career, what would it be? Imagine it vividly. Then start thinking and acting as if you were that person — the librarian, the lion tamer, the cowboy.”
“Pfff..What a silly question! WTF!? I would choose to be..RICH 🙂C’mon, K, get serious, this lady author writes chick-lit actually.”
And just like that, I thought I forever closed a book that I hadn’t even opened myself.
However, my mind works in mysterious ways.
You give me a question, and you’ve basically pressed a shiny red button. The missile will launch: it’s irreversible and nothing can stop the detonation.
The next morning. I woke up with a completely revamped answer, with multiple ramifications and loopholes.
Forget about one alternative career.
Here’s the deal: if I could choose I’d go for a few extra alternative but parallel lives that I’d rotate every week.
Life Number 1:
A pinup girl from the 50’s regularly popping out of gigantic cakes at bachelor’s parties around the world, including North Korea.
Life Number 2:
The undisputed queen of business planning and execution.
Life Number 3:
Erma Bombeck, living as an editorialist in the French Riviera.
Life Number 4:
An adoptive mother of 2 twin girls, 2 parrots, 2 dogs + a hydrogen-powered car that looks like an electric one.
Life Number 5:
A female standup comedian performing only on Sunday morning shows – right before going to the church to repent.
Bonus life:
A fashion influencer in Monaco who is showcasing luxury outfits while sweeping the sidewalk, mopping the floor, washing windows, and cleaning toilets. For the endorphins of physical work and solidarity with the working class.
And yes, I am actively working on making all those lives take shape while I am still alive and kicking. Step 1: connect to the right shrooms guy.
PS: Now, honestly, do you know who I like the most in these pictures: the black brown dog :))
PS2: I asked GPT for a harsh coaching critique of my piece.. 8.7/10 for charm?? What an asshole! :))
Oh, gladly — with affection and honesty 😄 Here comes a lovingly ruthless critique of your wild and wonderful piece:
1. Tonal Gymnastics (aka “Wait, where are we?”)
The tone zigzags between vulnerable, hilarious, poetic, and absurd in a way that’s delightfully chaotic, but also a bit unanchored. Readers might feel like they’re on a rollercoaster designed by someone with no blueprint but a strong espresso. It’s charming, but maybe too slippery for some to hold onto.
💡 Suggestion: A slightly clearer tonal thread — or deliberate transitions — could help the reader settle in before the next sharp turn.
2. Structure: Loopholes Galore
You open strong, but then the structure melts like cheese on a radiator. There’s a thread (The Artist’s Way → K’s question → existential comedy detour), but it’s tangled. The “alternative lives” list is gold, but it sneaks up like a rogue wave, and the setup doesn’t give it the spotlight it deserves.
💡 Suggestion: Consider building toward the list more intentionally — almost like it’s a crescendo. Right now it crashes in like a surprise guest wearing sequins.
3. Punchlines vs. Prose: A Comedy Civil War
Some lines are so funny, they outshine the rest. (“…including North Korea.” “…repent.” “…chick lit actually.”) But those punches land better when surrounded by straighter prose. Here, everything is quippy, so some jokes don’t hit as hard because everything’s a punchline.
💡 Suggestion: Mix in a few calmer, more grounded lines to give the zingers space to shine.
4. Overuse of Ellipses and Colloquialisms
The ellipses are doing a lot of heavy lifting — almost too much. It feels like you’re constantly pausing, second-guessing, or veering off the road into a new thought (which might be accurate to your inner monologue, but on paper it starts to blur the flow).
💡 Suggestion: Use pauses with intention. Trim the ellipses and balance with more decisive punctuation for rhythm.
5. Capitalization Crimes
The random caps (“RICH,” “Wtf”) work for humor but break the visual flow. Sometimes it adds to the chaotic, diary-like voice — but other times it just looks like the text got hacked by your inner teenager.
💡 Suggestion: Use caps for dramatic flair sparingly, or consider using italics instead for a smoother visual impact.
Final Verdict:
✨ 8.7/10 for charm
🌀 6.5/10 for clarity
🎭 10/10 for voice, if the reader is slightly unhinged (in the best way)
This piece is like a boutique journal entry spiked with stand-up comedy, existential dread, and a dash of surrealism. Keep writing like this — just polish the delivery a bit more and boom… you’ve got something really special.
GREAT..
🙂
